Mannequin Mission – Part One

Contrary to what much of my recent writing implies, it is not always so melancholy around here. Most of our days are actually filled with laughter… How could they not be with the two cutest little superheroes ceaselessly spraying their sunshine around. Beyond their fluorescence, I have another brilliant weapon against the mundane: texting with two of my sisters throughout the day. Our communications are often reduced to sharing the most AWESOME GIFs available from our iPhones. (As we all live in different states, this is a supreme form of communication.)

GIFs are a goldmine for hilarity. I am usually cracking up a few short minutes into our exchanges.

Because of our obviously shared enthusiasm for GIFs, my 16 year old nephew recently asked my sister, Alexis (his mom), “Why do you love GIFs so much?”

Before she could respond, her 14 year old jumped in and responded, “Because they’re old.”

WHAAATTT!??? They’re old!?!?

GIPHY Or, if you prefer:


Clearly they don’t realize how on we are the cutting edge of hip

They also obviously don’t appreciate the astute genius that it requires to chose the appropriate GIF to summarize a mood.

But I digress…

The other day, my sister, Caitlin told us (via text) about this “gorgeous and immaculate” mansion near her house that is ALWAYS dark except for a brightly lit Christmas tree in a downstairs window AND three (3) fully dressed mannequins in three (3) different upstairs windows. She lives in Sacramento so Alexis asked if it was Dorothea Puente’s house. (Remember her!?) It is not the same house; apparently that house is a spectacle for appreciation on it’s own. This mansion, however, IS nearby to Dorothea’s place but an even more shocking habitation.


Mannequin Mansions and Serial Killer Museums all within walking distance!?! Sacramento really ups the ante in the creep department! (Just one of the things I love about it.)


Later on, that same day (which also happened to be Star Wars Day), I was at the mall with Erich, Max and Brooks. We went to eat at Bobby’s Burger Palace but walked past the Bebe store on our way. The store was (is) going out of business and all of the mannequins were on sale!! As this merchandise reminded me on Mannequin Mansion, I quickly snapped a picture and sent it to Alexis and Caitlin.


At the same time that I laughed and scoffed at the prospect of actually getting one, part of me suddenly really wanted to own a mannequin. It is a life-size doll after-all and I am a little girl who still wants to be a fairy princess (at heart).

Alexis and Caitlin also had similar aspirations for me. Immediately, I began to receive a barrage of substantiation to acquire a model:


Alexis and Caitlin are incredibly good negotiators… Caitlin is a lawyer after-all and Alexis was the captain of the HIGH SCHOOL DEBATE TEAM…
(Yes, I said, “debate team!”)
(Yes, I said, “captain!”)

I didn’t run out to purchase my dolly immediately because I received some serious disapproval from my more pragmatic husband. Erich was less than thrilled by the idea of owning our very own latex lady

Still, Alexis, Caitlin and I went back and forth over the endless possibilities one can do with a dummy over the next couple days. Alexis and Caitlin even talked themselves into NEEDING special lady friends of their own!

This mission changed from talking me into purchasing one (1) mannequin to now acquiring THREE (3) MANNEQUINS! The more daunting component of this task being the safe passage from their east coast residence to their west coast adoption families.

Our texting turned to how I would get them safely across the country. The primary inclinations leaned toward dismantling and sending them limb by limb as holiday presents:


Of course, a box labeled “Human Torso” for the mail person’s delight would be essential in packaging.

But, is boxed transit really the best option?

Would the girls prefer to travel by air?


Erich remained skeptical and would leave the room as I started trying to persuade his interest. His simple deduction: we all (the three sisters) have too much time on our hands.

I almost gave up on the quest….

AND THEN, my mom came on Sunday to spend the night. (I had surgery Monday morning so her Nana services were required.) I told her about the mannequin and she was surprisingly thrilled at the prospect. She agreed that this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Erich countered that I could get a mannequin online ANY (other) TIME I wanted and that I did not NEED to have THIS particular mannequin…

My mom looked on Amazon to check his assertions. It appears that there are many mannequin wholesalers, but none of the versions that we found met the same quality craftsmanship that those in the windowsill had offered (SUPER CLASSY). They were also a lot more expensive.

Fear struck my heart when my mom began questioning if there would be any dolls still available. Certainly, an item like that wouldn’t stick around for long…


It was already after six on Sunday so we had to wait until the following day (after my surgery) to learn of fate’s fortune.

Monday morning came quickly and I went to Suburban hospital at 5:30 am to get my long awaited bone-anchored hearing aid post installed. (Side note: I suddenly and without explanation lost hearing in my left ear about 7 years ago. This surgery has been long overdue but postponed for many reason.)

The surgery was over early and I was home by 10:30 am. I was incredibly groggy so I laid down to sleep off the anesthesia. I woke up at 12:30 pm and promptly called Bebe.

The store manager, Kim answered. She said they STILL HAD PLENTY OF MANNEQUINS! I was relieved. I was still a little affected from the surgery and my head was hurting so I was hesitant to rush right out to the store.

We decided to wait until later to go, if we even went at all that day.

And it is at this cliff-hanging moment that I say this tale is to be continued…



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The Momstrosity

When life presents ridiculousness, respond proportionately... BLOG ABOUT IT!

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