You are too young to understand, you just don’t know why.
Your brother wins affection and you get pushed aside.
At first it was just screaming as he wanted mommy’s milk.
Or simply to be cuddled and wrapped in arms of silk.
Longed to make it up to you; “In time, these things will change.”
But storm waves kept on crashing, Brother mounted his rage.
Simply wishing for more love, life held its sorry answer.
The tide it kept churning, and brother donned his CANCER.
He grew fragile, pale, ill. A fright for all to see.
Every breath that brother took – Applause! Sing Praise! Yippee!
You, a hero on your own, just standing at the rear.
On your face you wear a smile, beneath it hides a tear.
By the time its said and done, an unfair fate for you:
Your heart will bear the biggest scar: ugly gashed tattoo.
Subconscious wounds inflicted are not easy to treat.
No prescriptions left to fill to land you on your feet.
Unintended casualty of cancer’s mighty wrath:
You, too young to comprehend, you stepped in nature’s path.
Remembering ALL the times when brother wins affections.
You just roll with the punches, making rare objections.
You don’t know that brother too has gotten a raw deal.
You see love that showers him; his life has great appeal.
They say that Brother is sick, They say that he’s not strong.
And yet, he seems fine on most days… “Perhaps they all are wrong?”
Visits to the hospital provide you confirmation,
Not the nightmare that is claimed. Rather a vacation!
When you are forced to go home, while mom and Brother stay,
You wish for cancer yourself? THIS HOPE YOU DARE NOT PRAY!
No taking sorrow out on others, you show no dissent.
Your own psyche suffers most: internalized torment.
You are so resilient; you have honed skills to adapt.
Within youth’s nativity, your smile always chapped.
We know that grief exists for you, see snags in your act.
The tears you try to hold and hide leave the most impact.
Round brother’s every move exist ‘err of caution’ gates.
Making your young shoulders heavy with their worldly weights.
So afraid you are these days, socially anxious: SHY
Recede into yourself, shut down, tell the world GOOD BYE!
You long to be outgoing but doubting that you can.
You worthy of attention? Nope. Goes against the plan.
Apprehension may be trait; inherited gene played.
Or developmental phase; a four-year old’s crusade
The BIGGEST FEAR is this: Insecurity grenade;
Psychological crater THAT ONLY MOMMY MADE.
Repressed observation of your needs left untended.
Cause disbelief in self, your boldness now up-ended.
Do you even catalog the sharp contrast between
The way you and Brother live? Is it even seen?
Is this all exaggerated? Is this just a ruse?
Is this just imagined strife; a guilty-conscious bruise?
You know that you are cherished dearly, deep and to the core.
You don’t know you are family’s champion of their darkest war.
You are the reason they could smile at all at first.
‘Tis you that kept them laughing. You quenched their sad thirst.
You are walking evidence of God’s tremendous love.
Everyday you strengthen the trust that cradles from above.
Teaching of deep love, vulnerable doesn’t matter.
You hold the family heart, without you, it would shatter.
They will try to love enough but will always fall short.
The injustices of the world are hard to thwart.
Impart enough confidence into your young soul.
Never have to feel afraid: The Ultimate Goal.
If great successes were granted in this very quest,
You would be deprived of growth: human experience.
Can’t prevent the tides of life, though be crushed by its guilt.
Learn now obstacles are where best character is built.
Temperament of the greatest men, already possessed.
Under pressure your diamond forms, unknowingly Blessed.