I occasionally like to entertain myself by asking Max and Brooks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Max loves trucks and his answer always involves driving a vehicle. Currently, he wants to drive a hauler.
Brooks is a dreamer so his answers vary a bit more. He has wanted to be many things including: a “wobot” (robot), the always-popular “Fire Fuck Man” (I’m sure you can figure that one out) and a “touw-boy” (this one took a bit of decoding to discover he did not mean a towel-boy, nor a cowboy, but rather a CAT-boy).
My younger sister, Caitlin, wanted to be a lawyer as far back as she remembers. She realized this childhood dream and has been practicing law now for six years. Although, just this past week she announced that she is less than thrilled as an attorney and would perhaps be better suited for an alternate career… like a white-water raft guide! 🙂
Erich, my husband, grew up ON a ski resort. His young ambition was to ski as much possible and for as long as he could. He did just that. The first thirty years of his life was spent engaging slopes all over the world. Then reality called and he became the worlds greatest real estate agent or, as he likes to call it, “used house salesman.”
When I was young, I don’t remember setting too many life goals for myself. I do remember saying, “If I ever go to prison, I will write a novel (during my incarceration).” I must have been 10 years old at the most. I didn’t think I would end up in prison, but I did think I had come up with a GENIUS PLAN!
First off, I have to say, going to prison is not one of the skeletons in my closet. I drank a lot and often to the point of invisible consciousness but I never did any extreme law breaking… I did end up in handcuffs though. Once guys, JUST ONCE! And not for anything cool or wild, I just had a hard time with airports…but I digress.
All my life, I didn’t know what I wanted to be or do. Of course, I had silly dreams of being a fairy-princess or even a pop star (basically Madonna, but a very shy version with extreme stage-fright). Mostly, I wanted to be happy and I didn’t want to hurt. Through a series of taking the easier road, I went to college, graduated with a business degree, then did nothing with that degree for about four years. Instead, I waited tables and polished some nasty habits. I’m not getting into those years of my life today because this posting is not about my drinking story.
The point is that I didn’t put much thought into what I wanted to be when I grew up. I just wanted to get through life happily. I thought if I followed the rules and was a nice person, someone would hand me a grown up job one day (hopefully well paying), I would do it and all would be merry. The end.
I am now shocked by my naivety. The thing is, before I knew well enough to look, life got away from me.
All through my early twenties, my innate predisposition was to try to find happiness through comfort. Here was my formula for life (using simple logic):
I am happy when I am having fun. I am having fun when I am doing the things I want to do. Therefore, I must spend as much time doing the things that I want to do if I intend to live a happy life.
Guess what this is called… HEDONISM!
Well now that I spell it out it does sound a bit crass.
If you had asked, during those years, “Why are you living this way?”
I would have responded with a lie that I would try to believe myself. Something like, “I’m improving the wealth is of my heart, not of my purse.”
The time did come for me to put my degree to use and I worked in corporate finance for about 8 years. Then, I gave birth to Max in 2012 and he changed all of my freshly-developing professional ambitions. I didn’t know I would have such an intense motherly instinct. After fighting with my ego, my heart won and I became a stay-at-home mom. In 2014 we added Brooks to the mix and our home was filled with beautiful chaos. By being a mother to these two rambunctious boys, I have learned the true meaning of dedication and hard work and most of all LOVE!!
The Cabe family is just coming through a long year, full of challenges. The pain, sadness and frustration we endured were the hardest things I’ve ever encountered. We persevered because of God’s loving hand and countless prayers. Our family was carried on wings of a thousand angels. Living through this, I feel more confident in myself than ever before. I know what I’m made of: I am a fierce woman who loves intensely and can be hurt deeper than imaginable. Even in darkness, I can blossom. I know that God is real and powerful.
These days, Brooks is generally feeling better. Max is more and more independent. The boys are playing so well together. I am gaining a little more freedom. With this privilege, I am enjoying a childlike dream state. In a sense, I am now trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!
It’s not that I’m disenchanted with my present circumstances. I am incredibly grateful for this life. Even considering Brooks sickness, it is better than anything I could have planned for myself! Still, there is more to me than motherhood. The boys are becoming less and less dependent on me, I find declining fulfillment in the house. I know my boys need me and will continue to for some time; I’m not ready to send them off to daycare just yet. Still, I realize I have a burning desire to challenge myself mentally in a more professional field again.
Weighing my options and interest, I have a growing aspiration. I am going to submit my resume to a local firm. Lucky for me, I know the boss. I’m talking about WORKING FOR MY HUSBAND!? Not as an agent, just in an administrative capacity. I know, for a fact, he could use some help. (For example, the efficiency of excel escapes him). Some may think of my intention as a step toward martyrdom. Really, this is going to be good for all of us; not to mention the job security of our marriage counselor…
I’m only partly joking. Honestly, I am excited about the prospect of having responsibility and analytical challenges. Erich is fantastic at what he does. I can learn from him (and in more areas than just real estate). DO NOT TELL HIM I SAID THAT. There will be no end of his “helpful” lessons now. He already shows me how to screw the cap back on the salad dressing daily. (I have issues with caps.)
For you, my friends who have been so incredibly kind and supportive to my new hobby, I have a few questions for consideration:
- What were your childhood dreams
- Did those goals influence your life’s direction
- Do you want to do something different with your life now?
- Do you think it is too late? Is it?
Categories: My Vibe House (Where all my issues live)